So, recently I have been battling with something that I feel is affecting me in more ways than one. I am going through a "transitional period" from my old way of living to living more for Christ. This is requiring me to face so many storms along the way, but there is one thing that I am experiencing that is making this journey much harder. Being a young college student who is on fire for the Lord is so much harder than being the average young person who is just enjoying life for them and not for God (in my opinion). When I was "in the world," I felt accepted. I had a lot of "friends," I always had plans to hang out, and I never felt alone. I did; however, feel like something was missing. It was God. I always believed in God and went to church and all that good stuff, but I didn't give God my all. Now that I am trying to, I thought that more people would appreciate my new transformation. Not at all. Don't get me wrong, I do have a lot of people who support my journey and who are there for me. However, I feel like people are looking down on me because of this change. When I hear about people turning to God, I get excited so I expected the same from people. I now feel that people are looking at me in a few ways:
- I am better than others.
- I am "judgmental" now.
- I am a hypocrite.
- I am being "extra" and putting on a show to make people believe that I've changed.
- I am going to shove God down their throats if they come around me.
I could go on, but I'll just stop there.
In so many ways, I feel left out, pushed to the side, and ridiculed simply because I am trying to better my life. Even some of the closest people to me make me feel this way. Don't let me post about God on social media! "You was just out partying a year ago, now you're Ms. Holy." "Here she go with the scriptures!" "Why she always talking about God now?" Blah, blah, blahhhh. It's so annoying because I never complain about all of the party flyers, mixtape links, and half-naked pictures that I see being posted, so why are you worrying about what I post?? Yes, I use to do wordly things and I am STILL working on that. Yes, I post about God a lot. Yes, yes, yes I do. BUT, if you knew what God has brought me out of and what He is doing in my life then you would understand why I post about Him all of the time. I want others to know how good He is and social media is the fastest way to reach people, so why not use it?
Does it make me a hypocrite because now I choose to praise God and not the things of this world? HECK NO. It simply means I am GROWING, CHANGING, FLOURISHING into the woman that God has destined me to be. If my growth is wrong in your eyes, then you're the one with the problem.
It amazes me when I hear my generation speak on certain issues in the world and come up with every solution failing to realize that God is the only solution. One of my Instagram followers responded to the shooting in Charleston by saying that instead of getting on our knees, we need to get guns. I shared my opinion on this saying that prayer is the most powerful solution. Even "friends" felt that my viewpoint was wrong, giving every excuse as to why he felt the way he felt. I'm sorry, but anyone who does not see that prayer is the most powerful weapon to use in ANY situation does not TRULY know God. Things like this make me not even want to share my thoughts on social media because I always feel criticized for my faith.
Not only do people make it hard for a young person to stay true to their faith, but our surroundings play a role too. Being in college and trying to remain true to God's word is HARDDDD. I am constantly surrounded by people always going out, drinking, and just living it up! I sometimes think, "Michaela, that used to be you, now you sit in your room listening to gospel like an old lady." I often feel like I am missing out or something; like I am never in the loop like I used to be. I do go out and enjoy myself every now and then, but a lot of times I just feel...left out. I had to get to a point where I found other things to do to have fun and other people who enjoyed those things also. It is hard when everyone you know is turnt up and you're in your PJs on the phone with your mom at night (which I actually enjoy haha). BUT, I know that everyone has their own journey; mine is just different from others. I know others feel this way also, but it is important to remember that those "turnt experiences" are short-lived and we should enjoy experiences that will turn into lifelong memories.
Yes, I feel down sometimes because of these things, but I constantly remind myself that it's all for a reason. Everyone will not accept who you are when you aren't doing the things they are doing and aren't thinking the way they think. It's okay. The end reward will be much greater than the struggles you faced to get it. I didn't understand that until recently and I still struggle with it because we all just want to feel accepted, truthfully. As long as God accepts us, that is ALL that matters; not what friends think, not what the world thinks, not what social media leads us to believe is acceptable. Anyone else who feels this way, just know you're not alone! It will definitely get better. You may lose "friends" and followers, but you'll gain more that actually support who you're becoming! :)