Today was such a scary experience. I know anxiety can be treated, but I know things have to change in order for me to be healthy and happy. Dealing with people is so hard! I’m such a great person and I wish more people could see that. I’ve dealt with being picked on, hated on, lied on, etc… It’s so stressful to know that even your “friends” act fake towards you and treat you like crap. I spend too much time trying to please others and have lost my sense of self. I need to spend more time being selfish and focusing on what makes me happy; not worrying about others. I just wish that I can have consistent relationships with people. I want only those who will appreciate me around me. I just wish that everyone else would just leave me alone instead of trying to make me feel bad. I stress too much about people which causes me to lose focus on what is important. I can’t even concentrate on school sometimes because of it. I don’t want to fail in life because I stress too much about irrelevant things and people. Lord, please help me to let go! I don’t want to hurt or feel sad anymore. I don’t want to feel neglected or rejected anymore. I want to feel loved and accepted by you so much that what others think becomes irrelevant to me. Please bring me joy and peace. Please help me to deal with stress better and be anxious for nothing. I need your help if I’m going to make it out in the real world. Please Jesus, intercede!
This letter was written only a few weeks ago and I can already tell that my mindset is way different now! I had just experienced my first anxiety attack which left me feeling angry, hurt, confused, you name it. I vented to God in this letter hoping that He would bring about some drastic changes in my life. It is always good to tell God exactly how you feel and that’s exactly what I did. Little did I know, I was asking Him for the wrong things. I was pleading to Him with a broken heart that led me to write some things that I now feel differently about.
First of all, no one is irrelevant. Even though I should not have placed so much focus on certain things or people; everyone is relevant in some shape, form, or fashion. I put so much of my time and energy into other people that I completely lost myself which caused my body to shut down…literally. In this letter, it is evident that I stressed way too much about what others thought of me and not enough on what God thinks of me. Once you know that you are the apple of God’s eyes, you will truly know your worth and that no one can validate (or take away from) that. I was wishing for more consistent relationships with PEOPLE and not praying for a consistent relationship with GOD.
My biggest fear was failure, but guess what I learned? I AM HUMAN. I WILL FAIL. I WILL FALL SHORT. I WILL HURT. I WILL FEEL DISAPPOINTMENT. HOWEVER, I am a child of God, so I WILL GET BACK UP, STRAIGHTEN MY CROWN, AND KEEP IT MOVING!
I didn’t want to “hurt or feel sad anymore,” but in reality, we all need time to grieve situations, losses, etc. It is all a part of the healing process. How can we feel God’s glory if we haven’t felt any hurt? I doubted whether or not I was going to make it in the real world being that I was an emotional wreck. It took me awhile to realize my strength. I had fallen so hard and felt so broken that it caused me to feel useless. Little did I know that it was God telling me that I needed to depend on Him and allow Him to have control over my life.
I had to sit back, reread this letter a thousand times, and pray. God let me know that I’ve come a long way in just a short period of time. Imagine how far you can come if you just continue to trust in Him and do His will. My letter to God now is simply this: Thank you Lord. He is bringing me through and I know He will do the same to you.
Write your letter to God when you have some alone time. GET IT ALL OUT; even if you think you’re wrong for saying what you feel. Be real with God and He will make some real changes happen in your life. God bless!