0:00-Plenty of (Unworthy) Fish

Yes, this is a story about online dating. More people have tried it than they like to admit, but if you’ve been reading my posts for some time now you’d know that I have zero problem being transparent.

I had actually just recently broken up with my boyfriend who I knew since high school. I sensed the pending demise and had a man on layaway who turned out to be a typical Jamaican stalker. (Before you come for me, I’m Jamaican, and ALL the men are crazy. IDC). It was my second semester of grad school and I was just looking to do something different.  One of my friends suggested I try online dating and all I remember is that I was ready to potentially hit peak thottery. LOL, no. I really just wanted to mix and mingle and go on ACTUAL dates because, well, I was no longer up for chillin in somebody’s mother’s house.

Initially, I was just way too friendly and had too many unknown numbers texting me in my phone and even after I saved the few I still had to ask myself out loud “which one is this”? I didn’t actually go on that many dates during that time because I still felt the need to sift em out and make sure I could stand having to step out of my introvert clothes and really converse with them outside of the safety of my iPhone.

I ended up falling in love.

This is probably the first time I’ve ever admitted that to myself about this situation. But in truth, I did. Except, falling in love for me is not an all or nothing type thing so I did have one foot steadily positioned out the door. I got to the point where I was telling myself every other day that this was probably going to end. It was like this guy knew me forever. But really, he just paid really close attention. At the time I didn’t care which was the case, because I never actually had someone pay attention to me like that. He started to tell me what I was thinking while I was thinking it. He told me he would make me like him even though I was intent on savagery. He was slightly older, chocolate, and muscular: how I liked them at the time. And we went on actual dates. I’m still in love with the day we went to a jazz club and I basked in watching kinfolk have a jam session and fill the room with old school goodness.

Eventually we had to face that we really liked each other. And we had to admit that we liked that we did. But I believe somewhere he had to come to terms with the fact that he bit off more than he was willing to chew. The day he realized he for real hurt my feelings by flaking on me after we had a nice date, was the day I knew what we had just wasn’t a real thing… anymore? Ever? I wasn’t totally sure. He all but said “hey, uh… I.. didn’t ACTUALLY want you to like me like this, so.. stop?”. He started to become scarce immediately after. He didn’t even care to give me an elaborate lie. I got the generic “I’m just really busy”, which was a complete insult to my intelligence.

I felt like an imbecile.

But it took me too long afterwards to completely sever ties. Every time I tried to do the adult thing and said “look buddy, you for real don’t have to continue communicating with me if you don’t want to, keep it real.” He would insist that he liked me sooo much and he wanted to continue hanging out. Then he would be free all of a sudden, and would want to swing by my house and see me. Eventually, he flaked on taking me out for my birthday and that was pretty much it for me. This time, I didn’t care for his attempt to reschedule. He’s still waiting on a response to that message.

In my own hypothesis, us getting as far as we did made him uncomfortable because he was really just trying to take his mind off of something. I was filling in a gap. And that shit HURT.

The takeaway:

The spontaneous guy is often the one who doesn’t want to commit himself to a person, situation or anything of the sort. He hits you with the “I’m in your neighborhood” text. Rarely do y’all ever make plans in advance. He just comes through with his big idea. You never have to plan anything. You’re never required to pay for anything either. But there’s a security they seek in having a girl for attention purposes. That’s why you get those regular texts in the beginning, he craves the attention he’s not getting from somewhere else. So I said Patrice, don’t ever allow yourself to be disposable again.  

-Patrice of Boujee Ratchademic